happy absence

I got my heart broken again and again. By no one else but me. I have such an idea. It was a beautiful wish. You'd love to live in my dreams. Nothing unattainable really but just real to its core. Simple yet nothing short of amazing. I've 7 days to love. A week to appreciate and ponder. His presence makes me feel adequate and uncertain of myself all at the same time. Like a first date again and again every time. I've loved you with the angriest passion. I love you still like an amber that cease to lose its brightness. After 7 days is up, I might find myself loving you silently forever. Never ending. Never fading. Like silent waves. Soothing and continuous. I used to ask. What did I do to deserve this curse called Love to withstand ravages that come with time and experiences. But now I know to be thankful for this ability to care for another the way I did with you.

my recovery

Ushered in my 14th February with two very special ladies. Throngs of lovers in sight but Nad and I decided to make Ana cry. Hahaha. No worries, they were the good kind of tears. We celebrated her belated birthday! Poor girl was so annoyed with us because we were so busy trying to figure out what to get her that we didn't realise we spent the whole afternoon ignoring her. Glad it all worked out! Even managed a mini photo sesh before we headed home! Hahaha.
 

light bulb

Just came up with my first project for 2014. Project "take as many photos of myself and loved ones". Yup, that is what I'm going to call it. Next pay will go to a camera stand and a white background plus ceiling fixtures. Any time my parents or sisters get dressed up to leave the house, I'm going to grab them to pose for a picture. Just because. It'll be fun! Wait for it.

nothing you own is yours

Every decision is a battle of logic. Need VS Want. Principles VS Fun. Loyalty VS Stand. As the outsider, it is easy for anyone to see someone else go through that personal conflict and wonder "good heavens, why is it so hard for him/her to decide...I would know which way to go off the bat!" Trust me, I myself am guilty of being one of those outsiders but it isn't right to belittle someone's problems or simply enforce an answer on them. How would we like it if we were famished and we're down to our last ten bucks and we just really want to buy that Macdonalds meal and someone goes ahead and buys nasi lemak with your cash and they insist their logic on why they made that decision for you. That is just food. Sometimes decisions are life changing and it is best made by the person who is going through it because they're the ones living through the repercussions or results. If it is a mistake, it'll soon be a lesson. If it isn't then celebrate with them after.

I tried enforcing my logic on people before. It works out fine sometimes. It worked out great for others and sadly for some it turns out I should have kept my opinions to myself. You just got to trust that with or without you, The One up there is looking out for the person. All you need to be is a listener. The tongue can do right or wrong but the ears always present a one way route. When in doubt, use the ears.

Anyway, sometimes I wish Life didn't present me with this opportunity to choose between fighting for what I deserve and fighting for what I'm willing to give. But that is like questioning God why is He moulding me for the better? Whichever I choose, isn't a bad decision which is why it is so hard. For months I thought I did make a decision but sadly it was a decision made for me. See that is another problem with allowing others to enforce their opinions on you. Further down the road when the choice presents itself before you again, suddenly you're unable to stand on your two feet. Reason being : initial decision wasn't made wholeheartedly by You.

Anyway, I'm kind of glad I have this cold so I have time off from thinking too much. Reminds me that there are worse things that can happen to me. Cold was so bad up till two days ago, I was literally googling "what God wants you to realize when He gives u challenges". I kid you not!

To the people who only want the best for me. Thank you. With all your guidance, I'm much smarter with dealing with my emotions and only settling for what is best for me. However things play out with the decision I will eventually make, you should believe that I am happy with it. I love you guys.

loyalty is royalty

No new resolutions. Everyday is already filled with new goals to accomplish anyway. But reflect, that we can do. 2013, you've taught me...

1. In a bitter war, the one who takes the high road always win.

2. Even if you do nothing, you're partaking in Life.

3. People don't really care that much about you so do whatever you want.

4. The most important person to you is You.

5. Change is a decision. Made by the person. Should/should not be kept by the person.

6. Loyalty to yourself, principles, decisions and God is everything.

7. I kind of like vegetables.

Point number seven is sort of a ramble but wow, I think I ate more veggies in 2013 than 5 years prior combined. If you've hung out with me, you'd know how veggies make me sick all this while therefore this isn't an exaggeration. Not much to update on. New job has been treating me kind for the last 8 months. I got myself a laptop just because I could no longer take photos on my iPhone (it prompted that I needed to clear storage space). Therefore hello external disk! The laptop is just an expensive middle man. My personal life right now is a rendezvous. Of what? I'll leave it to all your imaginations.

Let's hope 2014 don't screw any of us over. More power, more fun, more food, more love!